If You Should Go and I Remain (On Death and Dying)

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His suffering, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” -Philippians 3:10-11 (ESV)

If you should go and I remain

To walk life’s road alone,

I know my heart will break with pain,

Deny that you are gone.

Despair will cover like a shroud,

The days pass slowly on;

Each task be covered with a cloud

That drips the message “Gone!”

What hope will dawn amidst my tears?

Can peace abide again?

What antidote to conquer fears?

What balm to ease the pain?

Then Spirit’s clear, calm voice I hear:

“Behold! Christ walks with you;

His presence is so very near,

Your strength He will renew!”

You have gone on and I remain,

But daily at my side

The Lord who knows my heart-felt pain

Is here to guard and guide.

He gives me peace, abundant life;

He offers hope and grace.

He, as one who knew deep strife,

Will help me daily face

The vacancy, the lonely night,

The yearnings that I feel;

For in God’s goodness He makes right

And helps the heart to heal.

Now you stand whole at heaven’s gate

Anticipating glad reunion day;

And I with patient hope await

To join you in that way.

Faith now moves in, a bulwark sure,

To assuage this present grief;

And with God’s grace I can endure

Through earthly life so brief.

Through tears God’s name I praise;

I share His love abounding,

For every burden He will raise:

He gives victory resounding.

Forward now to Heaven’s shore

I press each single day,

Anticipating even more

God’s guidance all the way.

You have gone on and I remain,

But my heart surely feels

That all the memories I retain

Sustains me, lifts me, heals.

-Ethelene Dyer Jones

January 10; 2011; revised January 30, 2011

I began composing this poem January 10, 2011 when my husband, the Rev. Grover Duffie Jones, a patient in Georgia War Veteran’s Home in Milledgeville, GA at the time, was very low physically and I had engaged Hospice Nurses to help with his care. He passed this life January 26, 2011 after having struggled with Alzheimer’s disease for 18 years—a long time to suffer from that debilitating disease. Following his “Celebration of Life” service on January 28, 2011, I worked some more on the poem I had begun, and on January 30, 2011, I finished the poem in its present form as a testimony of how God helped me deal with the severe illness and death of a beloved mate. Writing the poem helped me through hard days of his final care, as well as giving me Biblical perspective on death, dying, and grief of a loved one.

I thought the death of my husband might be the hardest to accept and recover from the grief of anyone else extremely close to me in relationship until I, too, passed beyond this vale of earth. But in 2017, I experienced the death of a very dear friend, Mr. Wilbur Dalton Smith, on February 13, 1017. During the remainder of that year, I had a first cousin and a “double-first” cousin to die; both had been very close to me in relationship. Then my beloved son, at age 65, died suddenly with a heart attack on November 16, 2017. Shocked and so saddened, I could hardly believe what I was hearing when I got the message of his death. I had never dreamed that one of my two children would precede me in death. Isn’t a mother supposed to die first in the age-order of reckoning? I miss both husband and son since their deaths. But I had expected my husband’s death after a long, lingering, worsening illness. I miss my son terribly. I thought he would out-live me. Not so in God’s order of taking Keith at age 65. The parting was so difficult; God’s grace has been abounding to help me through grief.

Then, two weeks to the day after my son Keith died, my sister, Linda Lou Dyer Fortenberry died with cancer. Her death date was November 30, 2017. Five deaths in 2017 of persons close to me left me feeling bereft. I returned again to the poem of 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.”

And 2018 has brought death to three more close and dear to me: Another “double-first” cousin, India Inez Dyer Lumsden died March 1, 2018. Two other “first cousins twice-removed” as we say in genealogy reckoning: Former Georgia Governor and US Senator Zell Bryan Miller died March 23, 2018. U. S. Marine Corps retired Master Sergeant Eric England died April 7, 2018. And my beloved niece, Annie Faye Dyer Graham died April 8, 2018. As I write this, I have just returned from Faye’s “Celebration of Life” Memorial Service today (April 14, in Atlanta). Now you don’t have to wonder why I return to a poem written in 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.” Grief and departure, death and dying, we must face and learn to deal with. And the Bible gives much comfort in many places in Scripture. God give us the grace to live through grief and rejoice again that our beloved fellow believers now know the glories of heaven. We can join them there if we repent of sins, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, accept His pardon and grace, and seek to live for Him in whatever life remains for us on earth. Selah! -Ethelene Dyer Jones. 04.15.2018.