If You Should Go and I Remain (On Death and Dying)

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His suffering, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” -Philippians 3:10-11 (ESV)

If you should go and I remain

To walk life’s road alone,

I know my heart will break with pain,

Deny that you are gone.

Despair will cover like a shroud,

The days pass slowly on;

Each task be covered with a cloud

That drips the message “Gone!”

What hope will dawn amidst my tears?

Can peace abide again?

What antidote to conquer fears?

What balm to ease the pain?

Then Spirit’s clear, calm voice I hear:

“Behold! Christ walks with you;

His presence is so very near,

Your strength He will renew!”

You have gone on and I remain,

But daily at my side

The Lord who knows my heart-felt pain

Is here to guard and guide.

He gives me peace, abundant life;

He offers hope and grace.

He, as one who knew deep strife,

Will help me daily face

The vacancy, the lonely night,

The yearnings that I feel;

For in God’s goodness He makes right

And helps the heart to heal.

Now you stand whole at heaven’s gate

Anticipating glad reunion day;

And I with patient hope await

To join you in that way.

Faith now moves in, a bulwark sure,

To assuage this present grief;

And with God’s grace I can endure

Through earthly life so brief.

Through tears God’s name I praise;

I share His love abounding,

For every burden He will raise:

He gives victory resounding.

Forward now to Heaven’s shore

I press each single day,

Anticipating even more

God’s guidance all the way.

You have gone on and I remain,

But my heart surely feels

That all the memories I retain

Sustains me, lifts me, heals.

-Ethelene Dyer Jones

January 10; 2011; revised January 30, 2011

I began composing this poem January 10, 2011 when my husband, the Rev. Grover Duffie Jones, a patient in Georgia War Veteran’s Home in Milledgeville, GA at the time, was very low physically and I had engaged Hospice Nurses to help with his care. He passed this life January 26, 2011 after having struggled with Alzheimer’s disease for 18 years—a long time to suffer from that debilitating disease. Following his “Celebration of Life” service on January 28, 2011, I worked some more on the poem I had begun, and on January 30, 2011, I finished the poem in its present form as a testimony of how God helped me deal with the severe illness and death of a beloved mate. Writing the poem helped me through hard days of his final care, as well as giving me Biblical perspective on death, dying, and grief of a loved one.

I thought the death of my husband might be the hardest to accept and recover from the grief of anyone else extremely close to me in relationship until I, too, passed beyond this vale of earth. But in 2017, I experienced the death of a very dear friend, Mr. Wilbur Dalton Smith, on February 13, 1017. During the remainder of that year, I had a first cousin and a “double-first” cousin to die; both had been very close to me in relationship. Then my beloved son, at age 65, died suddenly with a heart attack on November 16, 2017. Shocked and so saddened, I could hardly believe what I was hearing when I got the message of his death. I had never dreamed that one of my two children would precede me in death. Isn’t a mother supposed to die first in the age-order of reckoning? I miss both husband and son since their deaths. But I had expected my husband’s death after a long, lingering, worsening illness. I miss my son terribly. I thought he would out-live me. Not so in God’s order of taking Keith at age 65. The parting was so difficult; God’s grace has been abounding to help me through grief.

Then, two weeks to the day after my son Keith died, my sister, Linda Lou Dyer Fortenberry died with cancer. Her death date was November 30, 2017. Five deaths in 2017 of persons close to me left me feeling bereft. I returned again to the poem of 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.”

And 2018 has brought death to three more close and dear to me: Another “double-first” cousin, India Inez Dyer Lumsden died March 1, 2018. Two other “first cousins twice-removed” as we say in genealogy reckoning: Former Georgia Governor and US Senator Zell Bryan Miller died March 23, 2018. U. S. Marine Corps retired Master Sergeant Eric England died April 7, 2018. And my beloved niece, Annie Faye Dyer Graham died April 8, 2018. As I write this, I have just returned from Faye’s “Celebration of Life” Memorial Service today (April 14, in Atlanta). Now you don’t have to wonder why I return to a poem written in 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.” Grief and departure, death and dying, we must face and learn to deal with. And the Bible gives much comfort in many places in Scripture. God give us the grace to live through grief and rejoice again that our beloved fellow believers now know the glories of heaven. We can join them there if we repent of sins, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, accept His pardon and grace, and seek to live for Him in whatever life remains for us on earth. Selah! -Ethelene Dyer Jones. 04.15.2018.

If You Should Go and I Remain (On Death and Dying)

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His suffering, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” -Philippians 3:10-11 (ESV)

If you should go and I remain

To walk life’s road alone,

I know my heart will break with pain,

Deny that you are gone.

Despair will cover like a shroud,

The days pass slowly on;

Each task be covered with a cloud

That drips the message “Gone!”

What hope will dawn amidst my tears?

Can peace abide again?

What antidote to conquer fears?

What balm to ease the pain?

Then Spirit’s clear, calm voice I hear:

“Behold! Christ walks with you;

His presence is so very near,

Your strength He will renew!”

You have gone on and I remain,

But daily at my side

The Lord who knows my heart-felt pain

Is here to guard and guide.

He gives me peace, abundant life;

He offers hope and grace.

He, as one who knew deep strife,

Will help me daily face

The vacancy, the lonely night,

The yearnings that I feel;

For in God’s goodness He makes right

And helps the heart to heal.

Now you stand whole at heaven’s gate

Anticipating glad reunion day;

And I with patient hope await

To join you in that way.

Faith now moves in, a bulwark sure,

To assuage this present grief;

And with God’s grace I can endure

Through earthly life so brief.

Through tears God’s name I praise;

I share His love abounding,

For every burden He will raise:

He gives victory resounding.

Forward now to Heaven’s shore

I press each single day,

Anticipating even more

God’s guidance all the way.

You have gone on and I remain,

But my heart surely feels

That all the memories I retain

Sustains me, lifts me, heals.

-Ethelene Dyer Jones

January 10; 2011; revised January 30, 2011

I began composing this poem January 10, 2011 when my husband, the Rev. Grover Duffie Jones, a patient in Georgia War Veteran’s Home in Milledgeville, GA at the time, was very low physically and I had engaged Hospice Nurses to help with his care. He passed this life January 26, 2011 after having struggled with Alzheimer’s disease for 18 years—a long time to suffer from that debilitating disease. Following his “Celebration of Life” service on January 28, 2011, I worked some more on the poem I had begun, and on January 30, 2011, I finished the poem in its present form as a testimony of how God helped me deal with the severe illness and death of a beloved mate. Writing the poem helped me through hard days of his final care, as well as giving me Biblical perspective on death, dying, and grief of a loved one.

I thought the death of my husband might be the hardest to accept and recover from the grief of anyone else extremely close to me in relationship until I, too, passed beyond this vale of earth. But in 2017, I experienced the death of a very dear friend, Mr. Wilbur Dalton Smith, on February 13, 2017.   During the remainder of that year, I had a first cousin and a “double-first” cousin to die; both had been very close to me in relationship. Then my beloved son, at age 65, died suddenly with a heart attack on November 16, 2017. Shocked and so saddened, I could hardly believe what I was hearing when I got the message of his death. I had never dreamed that one of my two children would precede me in death. Isn’t a mother supposed to die first in the age-order of reckoning? I miss both husband and son since their deaths. But I had expected my husband’s death after a long, lingering, worsening illness. I miss my son terribly. I thought he would out-live me. Not so in God’s order of taking Keith at age 65. The parting was so difficult; God’s grace has been abounding to help me through grief.

Then, two weeks to the day after my son Keith died, my sister, Linda Lou Dyer Fortenberry died with cancer. Her death date was November 30, 2017. Five deaths in 2017 of persons close to me left me feeling bereft. I returned again to the poem of 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.”

And 2018 has brought death to three more close and dear to me: Another “double-first” cousin, India Inez Dyer Lumsden died March 1, 2018. Two other “first cousins twice-removed” as we say in genealogy reckoning: Former Georgia Governor and US Senator Zell Bryan Miller died March 23, 2018. U. S. Marine Corps retired Master Sergeant Eric England died April 7, 2018. And my beloved niece, Annie Faye Dyer Graham died April 8, 2018. As I write this, I have just returned from Faye’s “Celebration of Life” Memorial Service today (April 14, in Atlanta). Now you don’t have to wonder why I return to a poem written in 2011: “If You Should Go and I Remain.” Grief and departure, death and dying, we must face and learn to deal with. And the Bible gives much comfort in many places in Scripture. God give us the grace to live through grief and rejoice again that our beloved fellow believers now know the glories of heaven. We can join them there if we repent of sins, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, accept His pardon and grace, and seek to live for Him in whatever life remains for us on earth. Selah! -Ethelene Dyer Jones. 04.15.2018.

Be an Example in the Faith

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” – 1 Timothy 4:12 (ESV). “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” –Titus 2:7-9 (ESV).

How important is it to be an “example” in the faith? Moreover, how important is it to have a good “example” to follow? Paul the Apostle wrote to his “son in the gospel,” young Timothy, that he was to be an example to others. He gave Timothy five areas of his life in which he should be exemplary: speech, conduct, love, faith, purity. In a few words Paul covered a broad expanse of life goals: how he talked, how he acted and lived, how deep his love was for God and for others, how committed he was in his faith, and with what purity not only was his life but his teachings.

To Titus he wrote that he should be “a model of good works,” another way of saying “be an example in the faith.” Titus was to be a model in teaching, holding to integrity (uprightness), dignity (honor), and sound speech (good doctrine). Paul knew that such sterling examples as he was urging Timothy and Titus to be would not keep them immune from criticism, but they would be blameless when people wanted to condemn them.

Paul also wrote that he himself lived as an example: “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us” (Philippians 3:17, ESV). Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 3:2-13 (ESV): You yourselves are our letter of recommendation written on our hearts to be known and read by all. And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”

A Christian writer and teacher, Annie Johnson Flint, was born December 24, 1866 in the little town of Vineland, New Jersey to Eldon and Jean Johnson. Her mother died when Annie was only three following the birth of Annie’s baby sister. At first her father hired a widow of a Civil War Veteran to look after his two little girls. But the lady was not very gentle with them. Later he found a home for the girls with a Mr. and Mrs. Flint. Then the girls’ father got an incurable disease and soon died. The orphan girls were adopted by the Flints who were nurturing and loving to the girls. Annie did well in high school, thanks to a neighbor whom she called “Aunt Susie,” (no relationship, just a friend to the Flints). Annie went to Normal School, taking a teaching course. Upon finishing, she got a job teaching school, with a three-year contract. During that time she developed painful and crippling arthritis and had to give up teaching. Even though she had pain as she began to polish her writing skills, she still found great joy in writing. She was especially proficient in writing poetry. She got a job with “The Sunday School Times,” and her writings in that magazine linked her up with a worldwide fellowship of Christians. Many of her poems were published and read widely. She wielded a great influence with her pen. She shared much of her deep love for and faith in Christ before her death September 8, 1932. She wrote a very widely-read poem about being a Christian example. As you read her poem, think about how you can be an example so the world can learn about Christ from you. Annie Johnson Flint writes in poetic form on the same advice Paul gave about being a Christian example before others.

The World’s Bible

by Annie Johnson Flint

Christ has no hands but our hands

To do His work today;

He has no feet but our feet

To lead men in His way;

He has no tongue but our tongue

To tell men how He died;

He has no help but our help

To bring them to His side.

We are the only Bible

The careless world will read;

We are the sinner’s gospel,

We are the scoffer’s creed;

We are the Lord’s last message

Given in deed and word;

What if the type is crooked?

What if the print is blurred?

What if our hands are busy

With other work than His?

What if our feet are walking

Where sin’s allurement is?

What if our tongues are speaking

Of things His lips would spurn?

How can we hope to help Him

Unless from Him we learn?

Prayer: Lord, I want to be an example of your love. Strengthen my weak places and help me to realize that I have a responsibility to live out Christian principles.

-Ethelene Dyer Jones 08.09.2015